"A breakthrough is a moment in time when the impossible becomes possible."
- Tony Robbins
Weird isn't it?
How you can be totally snowed under by grief, remorse, guilt, the pain of things left unsaid or things you said that were wrong.. whatever impediment to your daily state of mind, isn't it incredible how consumed by negative emotions you can be without even really realising the effects it is having..
I was like that.
On the outside, at work or socialising, I may have seemed to be okay. A good guy even - a positive person. But on the inside I was fucking dying! DYING. If you're a regular reader of this blog you'll know of my battles with my mental health, my diagnosed conditions, my fight thus far in dealing with all that. And you'll know about my personal journey of self-improvement, growth and change in life, as I've touched upon many times - but, in a roundabout way, you'll know why I was dying inside.
I was consumed by my past. A lifetime of not dealing with things, or dealing with things the wrong way, or coming to the huge realisations in life yet merely skirting over them, whatever - I wasn't getting to the crux of the matter. The heart of it. I was avoiding, denying, and ignoring the simple hard facts. Ignoring the truth. And why? Simply, the eyes of fear..
You know I'd be the last to ever decry the power of therapy, talking remedies, even medications when used correctly and carefully, to treat the worst and most debilitating symptoms of stress and mental illness. These things have helped me no end, and millions of others, to live a healthier life. But, and its a BIG but, there is no substitute for grabbing the bull by the horns and just dealing with your shit, once and for all!
Don't get me wrong, this is my experience.. for many people it is not the case that they can get to a point of realisation where they know what needs to be done to transform their lives and just do it, and everything will be better with them. For so many reasons, us complex human beings sometimes just can't be 'saved' from our many issues, our complicated multiple mental illnesses, our neuroses, and these things dominate our lives and halt our progress through it.
Let me put it like this..
Some people go through life having led an idyllic existence - and are content in life, successful, happy with their lot and 'have it all' - AND there is no underlying reason or condition or illness simmering within them to screw up their lives - yet suddenly, one day, they just lose the plot. They fall apart inside, their lives come crashing down around them and they are on the floor. They've just lost it, and everything has gone to the dogs, and they just can't get it back together again.
Conversely, some people are challenged by terrible shit from day one - horribly painful childhood experiences, sometimes accompanied by physical difficulties too, suffering a lifetime of mental illness and difficulty dealing with all aspects of life, yet they somehow continue to function. They survive. They don't wither away and they don't end their own lives, BUT - and this is crucial - they can't thrive. They can't be the best version of themselves, or even hope to get on the journey to that better, higher place in their lives.
In both scenarios, the best outcome a person can hope for is to survive the ordeal. To not perish - mentally, emotionally and physically. Simply surviving is probably the best they can hope for, and whilst preferable to death, slow or sudden, their lives have either hugely diminished from what they were or they will never fulfil anything like their full potential.
What I'm saying is that my experience may be unique, but honestly, isn't it also a common one? My life up until now has been governed by the eyes of fear. Too scared to make the biggest leaps of faith, too worried about things going wrong if I make big changes.. too inhibited by my internal troubles to affect the positive changes in my life necessary to move on, succeed and finally begin to actually thrive.
Survival is not enough, is it?
In the last few days and weeks I made the biggest leap of faith of my whole life. I dealt with my deepest, darkest, most primal fear and I confronted it. Therapy, and self-help, and wonderful friends, family and amazing support helped me to get to this of course, but ultimately I always had to do this for myself. So I made a plan, I did what I had to do, and I fucking did it!
I knew I wasn't content to just carry on being a survivor. I knew I had to look through the eyes of hope, not the eyes of fear. I knew what I had to do to get past my shit and truly move on in my life. It was very, very hard.. but you know what?
It worked!
Everything has changed. I'm a thousand times lighter. I'm free from the weight of the baggage I've been carrying around on my shoulders all my life. I can move on. I can truly become the best version of me. I can thrive!
And somehow, even better than that, is the unexpected positive 'side-effects' of my giant leap of faith. It hasn't just helped me! It's helped my nearest and dearest. Wounds have healed and issues have resolved - as if by magic! Things are immediately beginning to all fall into place. Now it's just a matter of time, and it will filter out to positively affect everyone in my life, near and far..
That's true therapy.
Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.