Keep It All In

“Every human being on the face of the earth has a steel plate in his head, but if you lie down now and then and get still as you can, it will slide open like elevator doors, letting in all the secret thoughts that have been standing around so patiently, pushing the button for a ride to the top. The real troubles in life happen when those hidden doors stay closed for too long.” - Sue Monk Kidd

I'm a bottler. Bottling up my thoughts, emotions and feelings has been a way of life for as long as I can remember. Particularly when emotions are running high, and dealing with them is painful, my instinct is to stick a cork in the bottle of my consciousness in some vain hope that it will all go away. Troubling thoughts get pushed aside and swept under the proverbial carpet. Difficult feelings, of the kind that can result in an overwhelming sense of powerlessness, are shoved down the back of the sofa.

The thing is, I've been aware for many years that bottling it all up is unhealthy. There are certain inalienable truths to this, and certain factors which lie at the root of why, despite knowing how unhealthy a strategy bottling things up is, I have persisted with it for so long. It makes sense that my default coping strategy is to bottle it all up. It is only now that I have reached a point where I feel capable of rewriting the rules in my head which govern all this. In knowing the root causes that implanted this way of coping into one's thinking, and in understanding the ongoing factors that permeate and prolong this obviously ineffective, ultimately destructive process, one can begin the work of change and learn to stop bottling everything up.

People bottle things up for many reasons, but often at the root of much of this behaviour is either one huge incident, or many small but significant incidents, where they began venting their emotions and were shot down in flames by whoever they entrusted with their vexation. If we place our trust in someone, nominate them as confidant and choose to pour out our feelings to them, we are not only trusting them with our secrets but putting ourselves in a very vulnerable state - perhaps the most vulnerable one can be, if the troubling emotions run very deep. If we then find that person either reacts negatively, dismisses our feelings out of hand or, worst of all, pretends to be caring and sympathetic but betrays our trust and tells others in a mocking way, it is natural for us to decide we never want to open up again.

In cases where there has been a series of these sort of incidents, which often begin in childhood within the child-parent dynamic, especially if the pattern is systematic and seemingly deliberate, an individual develops faulty coping mechanisms to deal with the difficult emotions and feelings in their life. These usually serve them reasonably well for some years but adulthood, with all its incumbent challenges, and the changing nature of our world and its daily stressors, will inevitably cause these coping mechanisms to become ineffective, useless and eventually destructive. Cure eventually does become cause.

The perils of bottling up our emotions are manifold, as this helpful article demonstrates. Here's a short list of the worst things that can happen:

• You are more likely to engage in escapist behaviour such as turning to alcohol or drugs, which often leads to addiction.
• You stop reacting 'normally' to good and bad events in life, resulting in loss of empathy and compassion, and you fail to experience the joy of life, or the necessary pain of grief or loss, resulting in the development of neuroses and often a complex.
• You are likely to isolate yourself from others, or fail to be able to engage in deep relationships with others, or end up feeling unable to be your 'true self'. You can become fake, diverging from living a life of dedication to reality and truth.
• You are highly likely to experience stress, anxiety and related disorders. Further down the road this almost inevitably leads to mental illness.
• You will tend to avoid triggers in life, meaning you miss out on the fruits of life's challenges and do not progress to your full potential.
• You are likely to become jealous of those around you who freely express and deal with their feelings, deriding their way of life and seeing it all as weakness, when in reality it is true strength. This makes for a lonely life.
• You are more at risk of stress-related physical illnesses - even heart disease and cancer - and more likely to suffer from debilitating chronic pain conditions, according to recent research.

So I'm on a mission to stop bottling it all up, and to deal with all the damage done by my years of using this failed coping mechanism. It is a long road ahead, but in acknowledging and accepting all this I'm really feeling good about my chances. I'm hoping anyone who reads this and finds food for thought, or even relates to some of it, will join me in throwing out the destructive thinking process. There are many better ways to deal with our difficult emotions, thoughts and feelings and I will share any and all I find useful in this blog as they come up. I shall end with a light-hearted reflection on the subject, courtesy of a classic song..

You know your problem 

You keep it all in 

You know your problem 

You keep it all in

That's right 

The conversation we had last night 

When all I wanted to do was 

Knife you in the heart 

I kept it all in

You know your problem 

You keep it all in 

You know your problem 

You keep it all in

Midnight, a husband getting ready to fight 

A daughter sleeps alone with the light 

Turned on, she bears but 

Keeps it all in

Just like that murder in '73 

Just like that robbery in '62 

With all there things that have happened to me 

I kept it all in

Why do you keep on telling me now

You know your problem 

You keep it all in 

You know your problem 

You keep it all in

That's sweet 

That conversation we had last week 

When you gagged and bound me up to my seat 

You're right, I do 

I keep it all in

- 'You Keep It All In' by The Beautiful South. © Universal Music Publishing Group

Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.

Getting High

Once upon a time, in a small town not so far away, there lived a young man..

His life was ordinary, predictable and routine. Monday to Friday were spent at work in a basically unfulfilling office job. Evenings were a ceremonious marijuana-fuelled dulling of the senses. The weekend was his precious time to spend with his infant son, before partying his blues away just in time to begin another ordinary, predictable, routine week. Somewhere deep down, life was hinting at him of the unsustainable nature of this pattern, but as is often the way when in one's early twenties, such concerns were swiftly discarded as heresy.

At some point, something fundamentally changed. His life, held up by himself as a beacon of stability in a world he found to be cold, uncaring and unforgiving, began to fall apart. As the precarious balancing act of his daily existence began tilting and listing on the rough seas of life, a deep, dark, creeping depression extended its icy tendrils out into the depths of his soul. His response was to do the only thing he knew how to - party harder and hope it would pass. It didn't. Week on week he found his work became increasingly dull, unsatisfying and irritating. Weekends, although still a source of fun and excitement, were becoming a blur of substance-fuelled dance music-induced tinnitus. Recovering from this hedonism was taking up half of the following week..

The glass facade of his life had cracked, and was splintering outward.

Maintaining a sense of stability, so that all outward signs pointed to a young man coping and dealing with his life admirably, had suddenly become impossible. Relationships with friends, partners and work colleagues were breaking down, one by one, like the proverbial house of cards. He was no longer able to get through even a single day at the office without the sheer stress of his very existence forcing him into an embarrassed, shame-filled, blubbering mess. It was agreed that he take a period of extended leave and seek help. The bubble had well and truly burst. Helplessness, fear and a massively daunting sense of foreboding overcame him as the first hints of the journey to come dawned on him. And, in short order, he fully submitted himself to the cold, hard fact that he was unable to help himself.

And that is where his real life actually began. He sought out, and received, the help he needed. His journey from there was a gradual rise, from the rock-bottom pits of despair and self-destruction, to the dizzy heights of self-realisation and actualisation, and back again. And again. And again. Over the next decade life became a mosaic of mental illness, drug addiction, relationship breakdowns and trips to the terrifying world of psychosis, interspersed with periods of incredible emotional, psychological and spiritual growth, the discovery of inner strength and personal power, and the slow forging of a sense of control over his life that he had never before possessed.

Like a craftsman designing and building a huge and beautiful cathedral, he took hold of his life and, brick by brick, built something amazing from scratch for the world to see. Realisations; of responsibility to himself and others, of why and how he went wrong and how to avoid a repeat, of the power and beauty of seeking, finding and applying knowledge and wisdom, of the fragility and wonder that is life, and of the gift that is true friendship and real love, all came flooding over him. He had jumped into the river on the hottest of summer days and cleansed himself of the blood, sweat and tears of his life. Now he needed to set about collating all he had learned, in order to be ready for all he knew he would learn thereafter..

And so, another decade has passed. He has experienced what it is to be diagnosed with a major psychiatric illness, and been medicated to the point of zombification for much of it. But he is a year clear of that state, on minimal meds and ignited with a new lease of life. He has extreme anxiety issues, but knows why and is awaiting the help he needs to deal with the root causes of it. He has achieved so much, and is rich beyond his wildest dreams. He has a wonderful wife. He has three amazing children. He has all the support of family, friends and work colleagues he ever needed. He loves his job. And, like the icing on the finest cake, he is finally in a place where he can be creative in the way that he knows he was always meant to. He writes. He shares. He converses and he advises. He learns and he teaches. It feels good. So good..

All the drugs in the world can't achieve anything close to this high. This perfectly stable, nurturing, balanced, life-enhancing, healthy, natural high.


Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.

Self, Self, Self!

"Man's mind, stretched to a new idea, never goes back to its original dimension." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

A while ago I wrote a piece on paradoxical thinking. It got me to the recollection of a book I read years ago by Wayne W. Dyer, called 'You'll See It When You Believe It'. I recall being immediately reeled in just by the title, loving the direct contradiction with that old adage 'seeing is believing'. Both ideas are true, yet seem contradictory, a fitting paradox! The book does a great exploration of the concept of 'dualism' in life, a notion which I believe is fundamental to a better understanding of things..

"...get very comfortable with opposites like the following...You are both shy and aggressive within the same body.  You are lazy and hardworking. You get the most when you care the least about it.  The tighter you squeeze water, the less you have.  The things that upset us in others are the lessons we have to learn ourselves...The dualism is always there." - Wayne W. Dyer

If you're on the same page as me you can see how the acceptance of paradox, the very embracing of its nature, can lead to a transformation in thinking. Dispel the need to cling to certainty in your life, become willing to discard your views and ways of looking at the world, as and when new information arrives, and you free the mind for limitless expansion. This 'dualism' concept, once incorporated into our thinking, opens us up to seeing a richness and diversity in our lives and in the wider world which we may not have previously even noticed, or merely only had hints of in our consciousness. It naturally follows that this also frees the heart to let in and give out more love, the love of both self and others. Transformational indeed!

There will be some who read all this stuff about self-improvement and personal growth and just dismiss it, because they feel they don't need to work on themselves. At the root of this is often the misconception that they are basically perfect. This 'perfection complex' is to be found most commonly in youth but sometimes extends into adulthood, creating people the rest of us generally find to be arrogant, self-serving and critical of everyone else. Yet it is the knowledge that the imperfections in ourselves, and others, is the really good stuff that delivers richness, nuances our lives and helps us form a truer understanding of our worlds, with the added bonus of allowing us to avoid such undesirable traits as arrogance and intolerance of others.

People who embrace the path of personal development, choosing emotional/spiritual evolution (I personally struggle with the term 'spiritual' but it is intrinsically linked) over inertia and submission to human entropy, often do so from a place of powerlessness. Whether they feel their lives are not going anywhere and are questioning why, and how to move on, or they find themselves in a dark place and need to escape, but don't know how, the overarching theme is one of a lack of personal power over their situation. The paradox is that this usually stems from a lack of awareness of just how much real power the individual has over their situation. They simply do not realise that, though difficult, all they need to do is change their thinking and they can affect fundamental change over their situation. Most wonderful of all, once on the path to personal growth, they quickly realise the power they have taken back, in the very act of pulling themselves up by the bootstraps, and in the many amazing lessons there are to be learned on that path.

"The most exquisite paradox...as soon as you give it all up, you can have it all...As long as you want power, you can't have it.  The minute you don't want power, you'll have more than you ever dreamed possible." - Ram Dass, "Be Here Now"

A final (paradoxical) thought..

People often decide to sidestep personal growth and plough all their efforts instead into a relationship with another. The premise is simply that all the answers can be found and life can be complete once in the relationship. I know from bitter personal experience, and observation of others, of the absolute folly of this - best case scenario, you live your life through and for the other person, losing your own identity and never fulfilling your potential. Worst, and most likely outcome, the relationship is doomed to fail because you have invested everything in improving them, and as they grow you are left behind like a stunted wallflower. So remember folks, it is never a selfish act to be focused on one's own path, concentrating on improving one's self and growing as a person.

That is what it is, to be not just human, but a human being.

Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.

A Day In The Life

It begins at dawn.

He rises with the light, the screeching and chattering of gulls on the rooftops and the banging and clattering of lorries unloading in the urban street below, an oddly suitable lament for his tired brain. Sleep was broken and restless, yet somehow just about satisfied the basic necessities of bodily rest. He makes tea, fires up the computer and starts to write..

He knows writing is good. He knows it is therapeutic. He knows he has a flare for it. It reminds him he's not completely useless. He reminds himself he's not actually useless at all, and that's just low self-esteem talking. He knows chronic self-doubt and self-loathing are old foes, always capable of resurfacing at any given moment. He writes with a constant scrutiny of self, ever ensuring he writes for the benefit of himself, other people and the wider world, in that order. He wants to share his experiences, his knowledge and his wisdom, such as it is, because he knows deep down that this is his purpose in life. He knows it is his lifeblood, and wonders how he has gone such long periods in the past without it..

As the distracting noise of street sweepers outside begin their regular morning run up and down the road, he almost wishes he had his own machines in his head that could sweep away the litter of yesterday's stresses and strains and fears and failings, leaving him fresh and clean for the day. Almost. But he knows that he must analyse these things, picking the litter to check for lessons to learn, before shaking off the dust and arising. He feels alone, but not lonely. He has come to value this early morning time, the relative quiet and the solitude before the world outside really wakes up, and the family surrounding him inside begin their day. A chance to reflect..

He knows about a good many things really. He knows about illness of the mind and spirit the most. He knows about being troubled as far back as memory will take him, about misspent youth and rebellion. He knows about misdiagnosis and toxic prescription medication. He knows of the desperation of reaching for help and finding none, or worse still, the wrong kind of help. He knows self-medication and the sickness that follows. He knows habituation and addiction, the highs and lows of substituting one drug for another, and the terrible price in wasted time and unlearnt lessons paid for such. He knows the depths of hell because he willingly dwelled there, and he shudders to recall a particular kind of self-imposed purgatory too. He knows self-harm and suicidal ideation. He knows what it means to want to end it all..

He knows an awful lot about doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, diagnosis and the medical model. He knows of the fall, from grace to the pits of despair, that occurs when one realises one is a danger to oneself and others. He knows about rage and fury and hitting out at everyone and everything. He knows about intangibles and labels like extreme anxiety, panic, depression, psychosis, mood swings, bipolar, hallucinations, dissociation and depersonalisation. He knows about losing his sense of self and identity. He knows about secure psychiatric units and anti-psychotic medication and feeling like a zombie. He knows about stigma, and being judged and labelled, and of the narrow-minded blinkered attitudes out there in the world. He knows what it feels like to be doubted, criticised and reviled. Worst of all, he knows what it's like to be feared, and to fear oneself..

As the promise of another hot summer's day warms the room he finds himself wondering just how the hell he got to where he is now. He's had the thought many times in the past, but it always meant life had once again crashed all around him like a broken computer, and despair ruled. Now the feeling is of incredulity and amazement - at the strength, resilience, willpower, fortitude and sheer determination to survive that has got him through life so far. He realises the external factors that helped him get here, in no small part the support of family, friends and professionals alike, and he knows the biggest part of his success has been finding all the reserves of his own inner strength..

He knows power; of self-determination and exercising choice in treatment, of learning the knowledge and tools and techniques of mental health, of acceptance of others attitudes, shortcomings and feelings, of getting clean from a life of addiction and staying that way without faltering, of taking responsibility for every facet of oneself and rolling with it, of helping his loved ones and the wider world understand it all better, of being a living, breathing, thriving embodiment of what is is to survive mental illness and maintain mental health for life..

He knows love, and is surrounded by it. He knows that love really is all he needs. He knows where he's come from, where's he's at, and where he wants to go. He knows it won't be easy, that it isn't meant to be, and he welcomes that fact. He knows from here on in life's all about learning. He knows it always was, he just didn't realise it, or accept it, or go far enough into it. He knows the pieces of the puzzle that make him are complete at last, and that the world is his to carve a niche in whatever way he wants. He knows he has so many gifts in life, and that the greatest of these are the gifts of children, of a loving wife, of a supportive family, of genuine friendships with genuine people, and of knowing just how fortunate he is..

So the new day is begun. He smiles to himself, a slight gesture on the outside, but inwardly he is laughing the laugh of a man truly content. The day could bring joy, comfort, laughter, fun and excitement. It could bring discomfort, anxiety, stress and exhaustion. Most likely it will bring a mixture of all of these things. Regardless, it will be a good day..

The best of days.


Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.

Right Or Wrong?

Humans don't like to be wrong. About anything. Ever.

Think of just about every debate, argument, disagreement and fight you have ever had and almost always you'll find that the conclusion was at best an impasse, and at worst a total falling out, and at the root of it all was that one or both of you just didn't want to be wrong.

No one is immune from the innate human character flaws which lead us to this need to always be right. Even the most amenable, diplomatic, flexible, empathetic and intelligent people have real problems with accepting and dealing with being wrong about things. Even those of us who bother to learn about the problems of the human ego, and do our utmost to counter such, still find being wrong terribly uncomfortable, difficult and ultimately upsetting. In fact, often those of us who spend inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to be better and to always be learning better ways of thinking find that when they realise they are wrong again about the latest of life's conundrums, the fall from grace is even harder. The less you think, the less it all hurts I guess.

Allow me to point you to an excellent article on this very subject. It is essential reading for anyone who wants to understand the very logical, reasonable factors that lead us to be this way about being wrong. My favourite quote from the piece is this:

 “Of all the things we are wrong about, this idea of error might well top the list. It is our meta-mistake: we are wrong about what it means to be wrong. Far from being a sign of intellectual inferiority, the capacity to err is crucial to human cognition. Far from being a moral flaw, it is inextricable from some of our most humane and honourable qualities: empathy, optimism, imagination, conviction, and courage. And far from being a mark of indifference or intolerance, wrongness is a vital part of how we learn and change. Thanks to error, we can revise our understanding of ourselves and amend our ideas about the world.” - Kathyryn Schulz

Surely no one can really deny that in their personal experience of life, its problems and pain, and in all the things happening in the world which distract us, delude us, disillusion us and depress us, that it is the mistakes we make in thought, word and action, in response to these experiences, that we really do learn from? No human on the planet is immune from the constant need to better themselves, as even the most saintly among us still has the hugely draining inertia of basic human entropy to contend with. Scott Peck states in his bestselling self-help book, The Road Less Travelled, that entropy is a natural force which goes against our spiritual/emotional evolution, basically stunting our growth:

"Again and again I have emphasised that the process of spiritual growth is an effortful and difficult one. This is because it is conducted against a natural resistance, against a natural inclination to keep things the way they were, to cling to the old maps and old ways of doing things, to take the easy path." - M. Scott Peck.

So it is probably fair to say that the less 'evolved' of us have an easier time dealing with being wrong, such is the nature of having a more limited understanding of the intricacies of the human condition. If one does not think too much about all this, one is less perturbed by it. Ignorance is bliss, but this short-termism is at the cost of a full understanding of things, therefore no real learning takes place and one does not become better. That way lies ruin, as over time, he or she that fails to learn and grow becomes a mere shadow of the promised light in the world that they could have been.

We need to fundamentally shift our drive, from thinking 'how can I prove I am right', to 'how can I do being wrong well'! Think about that. It really is a paradigm shift, isn't it. And why is this so important? Well, as the article I cited deftly explains..

"When you both recognise and admit that you might be wrong, something magical happens..admitting you might be wrong can transform your personality, making you both less arrogant and less dogmatic."

All of the finest human qualities emerge from situations in which people break free of a prevailing outdated way of thinking, a failing mindset or the existing dogma, by first truly admitting to themselves and others that they are wrong. Almost like a chain reaction, the personality is free to be more flexible, the heart more open to the feelings of ourselves and others, and the mind open to change and the challenges of that change. Who could fail to observe this to be something wonderfully transformative, and much needed in our world? The prevailing 'need to be right' attitude, on the other hand, can lead us into the worst of worlds..

“If I believe unshakably in the rightness of my own convictions, it follows that those who hold opposing views are denying the truth and luring others into falsehood. From there, it is a short step to thinking that I am morally entitled — or even morally obliged — to silence such people any way I can, including through conversion, coercion, and, if necessary, murder. It is such a short step, in fact, that history is rife with instances where absolute convictions fomented and rationalised violence.” - Kathyryn Schulz

We need to learn to embrace making mistakes as virtue, not some terrible flaw to be avoided at all costs. What can we actually achieve if we don't push away from that image of perfection, of living life without making mistakes and without being unsettled by events, that false and totally detrimental ridiculousness which society and the media force upon us? As hard as it is to do, once we begin to accept that being wrong is not only okay but the norm, that we can build on wrongness and learn so much from it, and that always being right is pointless, impossible and ultimately destructive, we can look forward to replacing our arguments and fights with stimulating conversations and constructive debates. We can actually learn from each other, instead of just breaking each other down.

I leave the final word to the highly enlightened author, Andrea Gibson, who provides us with food for thought in one beautiful sentence..

"...Sometimes it takes the most wounded wings, the most broken things, to notice how strong the breeze is, how precious the flight." - Andrea Gibson, The Moon is a Kite


Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.

Poetry Corner [I]

So I'm a bit of a poet, in case you didn't know it!

In the spirit of sharing I thought I'd post some of my work here occasionally. My poetry goes back over 25 years and although much of it still remains only on paper and in notebooks, I have a private archive online to dip into, in addition to more recent work. I shall post a new poetry corner article every now and then, each with 3 poems, past or present, that seem relevant in whatever way.

Here's today's offerings..

Pressing Buttons

Pressing buttons

Every day’s the same

Shards of old glass

Echoes of past shame

Gotta’ move forward

Press keys more

Expose the diseased core

In hope of a cure

Good shit happening

Amongst the despair

A few small miracles

And greying hair

Press the buttons

Reveal the truth

Illusions vanish

With fading youth

Pressing buttons

Assemble a page

Growing up now

And acting my age

[06.07.2018]

Maintaining

Walking with head held high,

Staring through the bright sunlight,

Even though it pains the neck

And burns right into the eyes.

Smiling at the passers by,

Greeting all with positive regard,

Even when everything inside

Makes positivity so fucking hard.

Troubles come and troubles go,

So onward ever one must march,

No matter how hard one falls

One must get up and stand tall.

Even when the mask slips,

And slip it will, if only occasionally,

One has to gather up shadows

And slide the pieces back together.

Never let that head bow

To the relentless fucking pressure,

It’s never pointless, honestly,

These things are meant to test us.

Make mistakes, gifts of learning

Take one to a higher place,

Embrace fleeting happy moments,

Make memories, and never forget.

[18.07.2018]

Passed It

Same place, same old passing the time,

But everything is so very different

It’s been more than 25 years, if a day,

Yet somehow everything has changed.

This shit, this absolutely everything,

Nothing has ever really shifted much

Yet intrinsically and paradoxically

Everything is totally transformed.

What’s real is growth beyond belief,

And awareness beyond all reckoning.

Never could we have imagined this

Nor thought this change happening.

By far, the overwhelming fears

Have been conquered and left behind,

Despite ourselves we’ve moved on

Leaving only the empty shells.

So I’m drifting a while with a smile,

With no real humour behind its façade

The moon is the same but shame is gone,

I’m shimmering silently beneath.

This feeling is complete, no need

To contemplate reasons beneath.

Fuck the past, I’ve passed all of that,

I'm content to just sit and be.

[01.07.2018]

Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.

Mad World

"I don't go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time."

If 'normal' is going about your daily life without the harsh realities of the difficulties you personally face preventing you from functioning, then I guess I can do normal. I think what most people call 'normal' though is being satisfied with an ordinary, humdrum, banal existence. It is not having high aspirations or lofty goals or daring to dream big. It is being content never to ascend from the station in life that you have been born, raised and (sort of) educated into. It is staying inside your box and being happy to be there. Two words spring to mind - fuck that.

At 41 years of age there is so, so much that I want to accomplish. There are so many places I want to go and people I want to meet and experiences I want to have. There are opportunities out in the world that, up to now, I have barely glimpsed. I want to go for any and every one that I can. It has taken me until now to get through the cards that life dealt me, and they were pretty rotten cards to be fair. Add to that the time I basically wasted trying to fix myself in all the wrong ways, and I arrive at the here and now with the same burning desire to achieve, the same ambition and the same drive I have always possessed, magnified tenfold by the awareness of years lost and of finally arriving at a moment where I feel capable of taking it all on. I am ready at last!

Normal was never even a possibility for me, and now I see just how great that fact really is! Having a major psychiatric illness thrust upon you your whole life is a very heavy cross to bare, but in carrying that weight you become extremely strong. It makes you super-resilient, hyper-aware and capable of depths of understanding way beyond that which perhaps a person without such a burden could ordinarily reach. Amazingly, the fight one is constantly engaged in with one's own illness has wonderfully beneficial 'side-effects' - chief of which is that one finds it is easier to keep growing and changing and developing one's thinking throughout life.

“Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

Also high up on that list is that creativity knows no bounds and comes much more easily, limited only by the nullifying effects of the daily dross mentioned in my opening paragraph. It is dawning on me that all the years of my youth that I so readily label as 'wasted time' could well have been an essential part of my journey. What a wealth of experience that time has provided, which proves the old adage - 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. Yes indeed, and in my case it has made me way more interesting, more engaged in the world, much more aware of what is important and what is not, more determined than ever to succeed and above all, much wiser.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

You've had my personal take on normalcy. The quote above encapsulates the massive problem we have in the wider world due to what can be termed abnormalcy bias. Aldous Huxley had much to say on the phenomenon. Think about it a while. We witness daily atrocities, through one form of media or another, humanity's utterly inhumane treatment of itself, the natural world and all life on the planet, and many of us seem to barely blink an eye. Acts of evil occur with regular frequency the world over and become normalised into our combined consciousness, our culture and our whole way of thinking. TV shows and films glorify violence, destruction and death and hero-worship characters with no morality or humility and we lap it up and even praise it like it's virtue. If that's normality then I want no part of it. I'm tuning that shit right out of my existence.

Maintaining a life free of abnormalcy bias is difficult, but whether one is blessed with the empathy, compassion and humility necessary to acknowledge the suffering in the world, or one chooses to learn it from scratch, it is always a step on the path to being a better human. Standing out from the crowd, putting your head above the parapet and getting over one's fear in order to blaze new trails is even harder, but finding that inner strength and conviction only ever leads to success by the best measure - creating a richer life and becoming a more authentic human being. A bonus then, when that path also coincides with earning enough of a living to support you and yours.

“Of all the things we are wrong about, this idea of error might well top the list. It is our meta-mistake: we are wrong about what it means to be wrong. Far from being a sign of intellectual inferiority, the capacity to err is crucial to human cognition. Far from being a moral flaw, it is inextricable from some of our most humane and honorable qualities: empathy, optimism, imagination, conviction, and courage. And far from being a mark of indifference or intolerance, wrongness is a vital part of how we learn and change. Thanks to error, we can revise our understanding of ourselves and amend our ideas about the world.” - Kathyryn Schulz

I'm nowhere near to fulfilling my potential yet - but small moves make for big changes. The right kind of changes. One thing I know for sure - crazy or not, this is the right path.

This mad world better be ready to make room..


Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.

Progress Report

An extremely wise man once said, "listen, the next revolution is going to be a revolution of ideas".

That man was Bill Hicks. The comedian, philosopher, musician and dark poet had a handle on universal truth so uniquely deep and complete that it still brings tears to my eyes to think how he was snatched from the world, aged just thirty-two, back in 1994, and of the massive contribution of love and light he could have made in the years since then. Cut down in his prime by cancer, one can only imagine how far his insights would have gone, indeed if I was a religious man I would certainly go so far as to see Bill as a true modern-day prophet.

With this in mind, it is ever more poignant to restate that we are currently living in a real, true, honest-to-goodness age of enlightenment. The revolution, which indeed will not be televised, has in fact been happening for some time now. I refer you, dear reader, to an article written back in 2012 which states the case for the actual evidence of this revolution - 10 signs that you're fully awake. In this piece I shall give a kind of 'progress report' on the state of things, if you'll indulge me, in order to show that the revolution really is in full swing. Are you strapped in and ready to rock and roll?!

 Firstly, I feel the need to reiterate, as a sort of disclaimer, a point made in the above cited article. 'It would be beyond pretentious for us to claim to know all of the secrets of the universe. We don’t. Everyday we are humbled by what we don’t yet know. However, it is becoming clearer by the day what isn’t true. And by that measure alone, it is possible to determine if you’re one of the people beginning to wake up'. So, no offence intended to anyone who finds themselves in the 'not fully awake' camp, perhaps these musings might help fill in the blanks? And to those of you who are well and truly 'woke' - I hope this exercise will remind you of the power and force for good that is this knowledge.

So let us tackle each of these ten points of truth one by one..

The first is with regard to political parties, or more broadly the whole left/right wing debate. This is a funny one for me. It is a fact that, externally, my personal stance and views put me firmly in the left-wing isle, but that is just politics for you! I don't carry it as a badge of honour, or stand on some left-wing platform. Coupled with this, my utter disapproval, disdain and disgust for many right-wing views and the party politics behind them would strongly seem to an outsider to put me firmly on one side of the debate. However, knowing all this I am engaged in a constant struggle to fight against the bias and narrowing of the mind that inevitably occurs when it all gets a bit political. It really has never been more true that there is no proper difference between the two sides on matters which actually really are important to us all, when it comes to the politicians actual actions on said matters.

International central banking is a tough one because it is so easy to switch off mentally when it comes to economics. I advise those who want to understand the truth of the cartel that is the world of banking and finance to watch Zeitgeist: The Movie, available from http://zeitgeistmovie.com/. For proof of the pudding look no further than the fact that every country on Earth that has defied the control of the central banking cartel is either invaded and regime-change put upon it, destabilised by a foreign power from within or demonised as a 'rogue state' and made an international outcast - Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, Libya, North Korea etc.

On preemptive war - nothing but disaster, tragedy and the death of millions of innocents ever results from this. It is beyond me how anyone claiming to care anything for other people can voice support for this kind of evil. It serves only the military-industrial complex, and by proxy the politicians who gain favour and a little influence by pushing whatever narratives necessary to attempt to justify the evil of war. Funny how the very same politicians get all up in arms when immigrants from the countries they have just destroyed flee persecution and seek asylum in the west..

The slow, deliberate poisoning of whole populations is highly contentious, but nonetheless still true. Evidence is obviously mostly anecdotal but from the relaxing of food standards, to the juxtapositions of certain product types in advertising and marketing, to the chemicals added to our water and the hormones given to livestock, there is a systematic process going on. Much more indeed needs to be learned of these shady practices.

Morality cannot be legislated for. Who can deny that the drive towards incarceration rather than rehabilitation just results in criminals becoming institutionalised. In this age of public clampdowns on the right to peaceful protest, it is clear that police baton, tear gas and water cannon, and martial law are tools used by ever more oppressive regimes the world over, fearful of their control over us and the likely outcome of mass awareness of that fear.

I have written much on the propaganda machine that is mainstream media, such as this piece. It can never be overstated how much influence and power the corrupt elite who control these media entities actually still wield, however there are signs in recent years that that power is gradually starting to diminish as newspaper sales plummet and fake news becomes easier to out. Just watch out for their new ways of influencing us - the trolls, hackers and other shady miscreants being used to infiltrate the internet and social media, spreading the lies and misinformation in ever more subtle ways.

Being kind to others, whatever stage of awakening (or not) they're at, is indeed perhaps the hardest part of knowing these truths. It is so frustrating when you want to get others to understand but they aren't ready, or refuse to see. The indoctrination of generations feeds into this. All we can do is be ever mindful and patient with others, avoiding taking our frustration out on them personally. Often their ignorance is not their fault, and as long as it does not cause real harm, we must continue to remain non-judgemental and understand where they are coming from. We must also continue to enlighten others wherever possible.

Knowing the ultimate goal of the dark powers at play in this world is a powerful thing in itself. Forewarned is forearmed. The confusing nature of the world and the crazy events that happen all the time becomes easier to bare and understand once you're fully awake. There really is absolutely no going back. Knowledge is power, and we must all wield it for the benefit of ourselves, our fellow humans and most of all, for our children.

The (currently) unexplained phenomena all around us, the 'esoteric' forces which exist and are manipulated by the elite, sound like something straight out of a science fiction novel. I personally struggle with anything that cannot be explained with logic and reason, such 'magical thinking' leaves too many unanswered questions and offers no comfort whatsoever to my need to have an explanation for everything. However, I cannot deny the existence of certain mysterious 'forces' which science currently does not have explanations for. Some of them may well reside in the realms of what people deride as 'conspiracy theories', as discussed in this piece. To close our minds off to them, however, or to discard them as preposterous is to throw out the proverbial baby with the bathwater.

I'm left feeling that the revolution is in a healthy state, and progressing very nicely indeed, thank you! I wonder what Bill Hicks would have to say, if he were alive to witness all the awakening and awareness that is occurring now? Maybe something along the lines of this, one of his most famous quotes..

“This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.”

I think he would be happy with the progress us mere mortals are slowly making. And if all this has been rather serious, let us end with another of his great observations, for the sake of balance..

“Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.”

Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.

Money Talks

Money, get away

Get a good job with more pay

And your O. K.

Money, it's a gas

Grab that cash with both hands

And make a stash

New car, caviar, four star daydream

Think I'll buy me a football team

Money get back

I'm all right Jack

Keep your hands off my stack

Money, it's a hit

Don't give me that

Do goody good bullshit

I'm in the hi-fidelity

First class travelling set

And I think I need a Lear jet

Money, it's a crime

Share it fairly

But don't take a slice of my pie

Money, so they say

Is the root of all evil

Today

But if you ask for a rise

It's no surprise that they're

Giving none away

- 'Money' by Pink Floyd.

It is terrifyingly true that the qualities, skills and talents which really are most needed in this world are those which seem to garner the least monetary reward. Humility, empathy, understanding, patience, respect, morality, forgiveness, attentiveness, kindness, honesty, loyalty, creativity, sensitivity, perceptiveness, thoughtfulness - these qualities seem to be in rather short supply and yet they are all mandatory requirements for living life well. Schools don't really teach them, they do not appear to form any part of our structured learning environment, and the overarching significance and importance of these attributes often just gets lost in the quagmire of what is deemed by society as actually of value.

Where on earth did it all go so wrong?

Well, if one is prepared to delve into the murky world of politics, the answer to this can be found. The capitalist system, particularly the prevailing neoliberal doctrine and accompanying consumerism/materialism agenda, has brought us to this place. Whilst I could write pages to support this theory, and cite you dozens of references from a plethora of sources, I don't believe any value could be gained from that action. I am happy to point the reader in the right direction on this, but for the purposes of this piece I shall avoid discussing the politics of the situation.

It is when we look at the lives, culture and societies of people who live without money that we realise just how much better things can be. The exchange of goods and services between people is achieved without assigning monetary value on everything. Instead of employment, roles are assigned to individuals based on age, experience and the natural progress of developing their skills and talents. The needs of the individual are proportionately taken care of by the group. Individuals are given jobs according to their innate qualities and particular areas of expertise - carers, hunters, teachers, scribes, mystics/shamans, etc. Rules are made, adjusted and remade according to the changing situation of the whole group, by taking the views and guidance of each individual into account. They have democracy, trade, education and law taken care of without paying a penny for anything.

And there it is, in a nutshell!

Money is indeed the root of all evil in our society. That 'way of life' we are supposed to love, aspire to, be proud of and protect at all costs, that 'freedom' has, in reality, only ever served to enslave us. Everywhere you go, every place you look, our entire way of life is geared towards the accumulation of wealth in order to consume material things. Most of us, faced with being stuck in the 'have-not' camp rather than the fortunate few 'haves', turn to debt in order to afford the shit we think we need, thereby enslaving ourselves for x-amount of time. Ironic then, that in this very act we consider ourselves as exercising our freedom! We spend a far larger amount of our precious time working jobs we don't really enjoy and are utterly beneath us than we do actually reaping the benefits of having the money we earn. How much of life's tragedy, suffering and stress is caused by inequality, lack of money, obsession with wealth creation, lack of social mobility and debt problems?

Imagine a world where we were all valued according to our individual worth, our unique skills, talents and qualities. Imagine groups thriving together for the benefit of each other, with everyone knowing how and why their uniqueness contributes to the good of the whole of society. Imagine the opportunities for development, the progress, the creativity and the pioneering spirit that could be nurtured for everyone..

"Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world"

- excerpt from 'Imagine' by John Lennon.

For now, we have to contend with things as they are. If I have learned anything about the problem of money in my life it is in some of these observations..

• If you can find a job doing something you love then you never really have to work a day in your life.
• It's all about a healthy work/life balance - and if your employer doesn't get that then it is time to find a new one. Flexible working should never just be an afterthought.
• If you're not being paid what you know you're worth then you're actually willingly letting yourself be robbed blind.
• A fool and his money are soon parted. A wise man keeps his wallet on a platinum chain with a hefty padlock to which only he has the key.
• Money so often makes one focus on scarcity and what one doesn't have. Always try to refocus on the abundance and richness that is available for free all around us.

I look forward to the day when we, or more likely our children or theirs, can thrive in a world where money is irrelevant, unnecessary and effectively obsolete, where a person's worth is based on the qualities they possess to make things better for everyone, where nobody is left poor, suffering and alone because of a lack of money, a world where we make use of the abundance in life for the benefit of all, a resource-based economy to replace our old and destructive way of life. It may be a long way off, but it is possible. If humanity doesn't fall off the cliff edge it is rapidly stumbling towards, instead casting off the shackles of the greedy old men in grey suits who own and control everything with their massive piles of cash, we can all look forward to a bold new future - a chance for everyone to find their place in a world free of the evils of money.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..

'Money' by Pink Floyd Copyright ©1973 Harvest (EMI Group Ltd.)
Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.

Fortunately..

Some people are extraordinarily fortunate..

This good fortune, it must be clarified, is something completely separate from that much-touted and misused word, 'luck', but the difference is subtle and needs putting in context. The Oxford dictionary defines luck as success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions, whilst according to the Cambridge definition, fortune is chance and the way it affects your life. One could argue that fortune, luck and chance are all equally arbitrary. That's fair enough but for the purposes of this piece I am drawing a line, between luck on the one side and fortune on the other.

"I hear people talk about luck a lot. Straight up – luck doesn’t exist. If you believe in luck, then you believe either:
(1) some people consistently defy probability, or,
(2) some things aren’t a result of cause and effect."
- Sebastian Marshall

Like our esteemed Mr. Marshall, I simply do not believe in luck. Aside from cursory use, I find the term is overused and wrongly applied to all manner of happenstance in life, from the mundane to the inexplicable. Fortune, however, seems to me to be rooted in chance - a quantifiable, measurable, tangible concept which one can apply logic and reason to, in order to analyse and understand its significance and the effect it has on things. Science and mathematics have established a whole world of knowledge on the understanding of chance, which is referred to as the laws of probability. Indeed, our very systems of governance and the implementation of policies as such is dictated largely by the nature of chance and probability.

In keeping with the logical, tangible route of understanding, I guess there are two angles from which one can assess an individual's level of good fortune in life. The internal qualities they possess which contribute to their success in the attainment of sort-after things, and the external factors which provide them with the means to get them. So if someone has self-confidence, high self-esteem, can maintain their sense of well-being, and possesses the ability to remain grounded, focused and determined to achieve their goals, they are pretty fortunate. Combine this with being in the right place at the right time when it comes to opportunities, having the material means to achieve things, such as money and resources, and knowing the right people to help achieve said goals, and one could say these individuals are indeed very fortunate.

Fortune favours the brave, right?

Well, yes and no. It is true that the internal qualities mentioned above, along with many others necessary to get along in life and achieve our goals, hopes and dreams can be learned, nurtured in our thinking, adopted into our mindset and practiced in daily living. However, this has to be weighed up against whatever physical, psychological and/or emotional limitations may well be present in the individual. It is also true that gaining money and resources, meeting and influencing the right people, and knowing when is the right time and place to actualise our plans are all achievable through hard work and dedication. The crucial thing here is to what extent a person, given their particular starting point, has the internal qualities required to progress, is able to learn and adopt the essential additional ones ad-hoc, and exactly what level of external resources and opportunities are actually available given the limitations of their physical, geographical, and socio-economic situation.

Many clichés echo through my mind at this point. 'If you put your mind to it, you can be capable of anything'. 'The world is your oyster'. 'Dream big'. 'Reach for the stars'. It can become almost nauseating hearing with such frequency these well-meaning but ultimately rather empty 'affirmations' being banded about, often by people in the media and such, who have obviously already achieved fame, fortune or whatever glamorous lifestyle is being touted as most desirable in life. The problem is, when you try to apply these 'life lessons' to your own goals you often find you have set yourself up for a fall. You can become very deflated and disillusioned, often coming to the swift conclusion that you just aren't that fortunate. Worse still, it is possible to end up in the bitter and jaded world of believing (often with very just cause) that no matter how much hard work and dedication you put in, the odds are just too stacked against your ever amounting to much.

"Don't try to understand everything. Because sometimes it's not meant to be understood, but to be accepted." - unknown

There are two other factors which come into play where fortune is concerned though. They are highly intangible, pretty illogical, not quantifiable through science or reason (thus far anyway) and very hard to explain beyond the realms of personal anecdotal experience. Here, we delve into the murky but rather wonderful world of 'mystery'. As immune as I try to stay from anything which can come under the umbrella term of magical thinking, there are two 'forces', for want of a better term, which have been at play in my life for as long as I can remember, helping and nurturing me (and others) to get through times of hardship, to achieve personal goals and to move onwards and upwards in life. They have both become as concrete in my mind as any concept provable by science, and are just as evidence-based as anything else one might mention, even if that evidence is purely anecdotal.

The first is karma, the Buddhist-originated spiritual principle of cause and effect, where intent and actions of an individual (cause) influence the future of that individual (effect). Karma in my life has always been absolutely apparent, present and in full effect - so much so that I can absolutely relate to what John Lennon was referring to in his song, 'Instant Karma'. I have never had to wait any time at all for proof that karma comes back to slap me in the face, should I stray from the good path. It is a force for good, which governs my thoughts and actions as a matter of course, framed by the overarching rule that when I project good out into the world, good things come back, and exactly the same with the bad.

The second is serendipity. Webster’s Dictionary defines serendipity as “the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.” The key here is 'gift'. Serendipity is in every 'happy accident' that happens in life. Any time you find an answer without actually looking, discover something new and wonderful and beneficial to your life without trying, or are in the process of trying to solve something and find the solution takes you in a whole different direction, you have been given the gift of a serendipitous event. Best-selling author Scott Peck in his book 'The Road Less Travelled' has this to say - "serendipitous events occur to all of us, but frequently we fail to recognise their serendipitous nature; we consider such events quite unremarkable, and subsequently we fail to take full advantage of them." - Peck, M. Scott. (1978). The Road Less Travelled. p. 257-258.

So are you a person of good fortune, or not? Do you believe in luck, good or bad? One thing is for certain, chance is real - and whether evident in the minutia of your daily life or extractable from any experience you can recall where 'things just happened' - sometimes we can be fortunate and other times unfortunate. Perhaps it is merely our perspective on our lives, or other people's perspectives, that govern whether we consider a person to be one or the other. One thing I do know for sure is that sometimes I reflect on my life and feel pretty unfortunate, and see other people as really very fortunate indeed. It usually ends up with my feeling hopeless..

Important to remember then, that even the word hopeless has 'hope' in it.


Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.