Don't Panic

Imagine for a moment the most terrifying instance of panic you've ever experienced in your life..

Whatever caused you to go into panic mode, I expect you could describe to me a feeling like a dreadful suffocating helplessness, of being completely overwhelmed by a crippling sense of dread and anguish. I would further postulate that the psychological/emotional aspects of this panic were nothing in comparison to the physical sensations - sweating hot, adrenalin pumping, stomach retching, fists clenched, head pounding, ears ringing, trembling, shaking, unable to catch your breath as the rising crescendo of absolute terror gripped every fibre of your being. Perhaps you even experienced a state of hyper-reality, where everything around you seemed to go into slow motion, or conversely everything sped up. The world got very weird, very quickly. Maybe a few of you have even experienced hallucinations - saw or heard unreal things, experienced odd tastes or felt warped things touching your body, in your moment of pure panic?

I bet most all of us, to a greater or lesser degree, have had at least a moment where something happened - some event, be it an accident, receiving terrible news, a sudden shock - which triggered the cascade of emotions and physical sensations in the body that we call panic. Blind panic. No reasoning kicked in to steady our thinking, no logic or sound advice helped us feel better, we just got hit full in the face and instantly fell apart. Anxiety took over control of our senses, our thinking, our emotions, even perhaps our basic bodily functions. For a moment, we just lost it, and in that moment nothing and nobody could make us feel better..

Human beings have an innate ability to respond to stressful situations, or stressors as they are better known. Science calls this the 'fight or flight response'. It is also known as hyperarousal, or the acute stress response, and is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival. Essentially, the response prepares the body to either fight or flee the threat. It is an ancient part of us that has served humankind well in the past, especially when we lived in caves and had to sustain ourselves through the perils of attack from all sides by wildlife and other humans. It is coded into our DNA, and an unavoidable physical function of our body.

Psychology, in combination with biology and to some extent also social science, teaches us that our acute stress response can often lead us into trouble. Modern life has enabled humans to escape, and be insulated from, most of the threats to survival on a daily basis that the fight or flight response was useful for. There are just hardly ever instances in life these days where it is appropriate, useful or healthy to either run away or fight a particular 'perceived threat' - and these perceived threats can often be the result of faulty perception in the first place.

So, 'general anxiety', a feeling of unease and worry, can lead to panic - a sudden sensation of fear, which is so strong as to dominate or prevent reason and logical thinking, replacing it with overwhelming feelings of angst and frantic agitation consistent with an animalistic fight-or-flight reaction. Anxiety can be referred to as a normal part of life, but only if it has a quantifiable source, if the cause of a person's angst can be traced using logic and reason. If there are no causes, no logical reasons for the state of anxiety, and this state persists for days, weeks or months at a time, one can reasonably conclude that a person may well be suffering from a general anxiety disorder.

All this fine scientific talk, logic and reason is great. It all makes sense, and it helps us understand the basics of what is going on when somebody we know, perhaps someone we love, is suffering with anxiety issues. The problem is that when anxiety becomes panic, when the level of discomfort gets to be too much for someone to cope with, all reason and logic becomes irrelevant. That person is unable to deal with anything and everything, instantaneously. They cannot think straight, relate properly to others or cope effectively with life, and as the panic rises it is all they can do to simply function, to prevent themselves from being a danger to themselves or others, and to get through the terrible irrational fear that they are about to die. They walk a tightrope stretched over a row of jagged knives every moment of every day, and everyone around them is forced to walk on eggshells, and take extreme care not to bump into them for fear that their fragile glass bubbles will shatter and leave them bare.

The worst part of life for someone with an anxiety disorder is that they don't want it to affect others around them, which is compounded and made doubly difficult by the fact that once in the turmoil of an episode they are unable to explain what is happening, unable to avoid snapping and getting angry with others, and unable to control their emotions. So when they get through any given clash, argument, fight or moment of madness they then have to deal with terrible feelings of guilt and a lingering sense of remorse that they affected others with 'their shit'. This completes the cycle, of worry - anxiety - panic - anxiety - worry, a very vicious circle indeed. Long term, this cycle can lead to so much loss; of self-esteem, of status in life, of friends and family, of reputation, of drive and energy, of positivity, of peace of mind, ultimately of ability to live life and remain sane.

So, if I have any advice for dealing with someone's anxiety problem, it is this:

I don't want to patronise you, or preach to the converted. I guess I'm saying that, as a sufferer of an anxiety disorder, I can help you understand, I can help you to empathise. So try this - the next time you have to deal with somebody you know, somebody you might care about, somebody you love even, who has issues with anxiety and is going through a tough time, remember your worst ever moment of blind panic in life. Imagine every second of your day was wracked with anxiety, with no reason for it and no cause, and that at any given moment that panic could rise and you could explode as the feelings inside come flying out. Now double it. Then double it again. That is what is going on for them, pretty much all of the time. And it never really goes away.

It is a lot to ask, for you to make allowances for and give the benefit of the doubt to someone, especially when you least feel like it. It is an even bigger ask to try to show someone what psychologists call 'unconditional positive regard' - to suspend judgement about them, to be patient when they struggle with negativity, to overlook their behaviour because you know they can't help it and to be ever mindful that they might not show you any appreciation for all of this. In the end though, you will have helped them overcome something truly awful - the feeling that they are losing control. And really, you just never know when you too might need someone who understands..

“Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”
― Anaïs Nin

Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.