Right Or Wrong?

Humans don't like to be wrong. About anything. Ever.

Think of just about every debate, argument, disagreement and fight you have ever had and almost always you'll find that the conclusion was at best an impasse, and at worst a total falling out, and at the root of it all was that one or both of you just didn't want to be wrong.

No one is immune from the innate human character flaws which lead us to this need to always be right. Even the most amenable, diplomatic, flexible, empathetic and intelligent people have real problems with accepting and dealing with being wrong about things. Even those of us who bother to learn about the problems of the human ego, and do our utmost to counter such, still find being wrong terribly uncomfortable, difficult and ultimately upsetting. In fact, often those of us who spend inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to be better and to always be learning better ways of thinking find that when they realise they are wrong again about the latest of life's conundrums, the fall from grace is even harder. The less you think, the less it all hurts I guess.

Allow me to point you to an excellent article on this very subject. It is essential reading for anyone who wants to understand the very logical, reasonable factors that lead us to be this way about being wrong. My favourite quote from the piece is this:

 “Of all the things we are wrong about, this idea of error might well top the list. It is our meta-mistake: we are wrong about what it means to be wrong. Far from being a sign of intellectual inferiority, the capacity to err is crucial to human cognition. Far from being a moral flaw, it is inextricable from some of our most humane and honourable qualities: empathy, optimism, imagination, conviction, and courage. And far from being a mark of indifference or intolerance, wrongness is a vital part of how we learn and change. Thanks to error, we can revise our understanding of ourselves and amend our ideas about the world.” - Kathyryn Schulz

Surely no one can really deny that in their personal experience of life, its problems and pain, and in all the things happening in the world which distract us, delude us, disillusion us and depress us, that it is the mistakes we make in thought, word and action, in response to these experiences, that we really do learn from? No human on the planet is immune from the constant need to better themselves, as even the most saintly among us still has the hugely draining inertia of basic human entropy to contend with. Scott Peck states in his bestselling self-help book, The Road Less Travelled, that entropy is a natural force which goes against our spiritual/emotional evolution, basically stunting our growth:

"Again and again I have emphasised that the process of spiritual growth is an effortful and difficult one. This is because it is conducted against a natural resistance, against a natural inclination to keep things the way they were, to cling to the old maps and old ways of doing things, to take the easy path." - M. Scott Peck.

So it is probably fair to say that the less 'evolved' of us have an easier time dealing with being wrong, such is the nature of having a more limited understanding of the intricacies of the human condition. If one does not think too much about all this, one is less perturbed by it. Ignorance is bliss, but this short-termism is at the cost of a full understanding of things, therefore no real learning takes place and one does not become better. That way lies ruin, as over time, he or she that fails to learn and grow becomes a mere shadow of the promised light in the world that they could have been.

We need to fundamentally shift our drive, from thinking 'how can I prove I am right', to 'how can I do being wrong well'! Think about that. It really is a paradigm shift, isn't it. And why is this so important? Well, as the article I cited deftly explains..

"When you both recognise and admit that you might be wrong, something magical happens..admitting you might be wrong can transform your personality, making you both less arrogant and less dogmatic."

All of the finest human qualities emerge from situations in which people break free of a prevailing outdated way of thinking, a failing mindset or the existing dogma, by first truly admitting to themselves and others that they are wrong. Almost like a chain reaction, the personality is free to be more flexible, the heart more open to the feelings of ourselves and others, and the mind open to change and the challenges of that change. Who could fail to observe this to be something wonderfully transformative, and much needed in our world? The prevailing 'need to be right' attitude, on the other hand, can lead us into the worst of worlds..

“If I believe unshakably in the rightness of my own convictions, it follows that those who hold opposing views are denying the truth and luring others into falsehood. From there, it is a short step to thinking that I am morally entitled — or even morally obliged — to silence such people any way I can, including through conversion, coercion, and, if necessary, murder. It is such a short step, in fact, that history is rife with instances where absolute convictions fomented and rationalised violence.” - Kathyryn Schulz

We need to learn to embrace making mistakes as virtue, not some terrible flaw to be avoided at all costs. What can we actually achieve if we don't push away from that image of perfection, of living life without making mistakes and without being unsettled by events, that false and totally detrimental ridiculousness which society and the media force upon us? As hard as it is to do, once we begin to accept that being wrong is not only okay but the norm, that we can build on wrongness and learn so much from it, and that always being right is pointless, impossible and ultimately destructive, we can look forward to replacing our arguments and fights with stimulating conversations and constructive debates. We can actually learn from each other, instead of just breaking each other down.

I leave the final word to the highly enlightened author, Andrea Gibson, who provides us with food for thought in one beautiful sentence..

"...Sometimes it takes the most wounded wings, the most broken things, to notice how strong the breeze is, how precious the flight." - Andrea Gibson, The Moon is a Kite


Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.