Poetry Corner IV

As summer fades fast, I've sadly lost my bright early morning two-hour writing slot, which served me so well. The shorter daylight hours do nothing for my motivation, and alas I am not writing much at all these days, but I can at least share these three poems with you.

These verses seem to strike the tone for how my year has gone really. The third one is an oldy, as you can see, which I include for the sake of balance. Hopefully I will find myself still able to write occasionally during the coming dark season..

Still Trying

Trying to branch out

With precious few connections,

Trying to stay focused

With a constantly wandering mind,

Trying to get clarity

Through a fog of anxiety,

Trying to have faith

While riddled with self-doubt,

Trying for creativity

While fighting negativity,

Trying to find answers

Without the right questions,

Trying to have patience

As frustration bites,

Trying to be better

While never feeling good enough,

Trying to feel content

Despite longing so much,

Trying to understand

When confusion reigns,

Trying to be loving

As self-loathing takes over,

Trying to find peace

In spite of the anger,

Trying to hold on

When all hope is gone,

Trying..

Very trying.

[23.06.2018]

Walled In

This is insane, isn’t it?

Banging my head against walls

Built up over years and years..

Where once they protected me,

Now I am entombed.

Chipping away at the cracks,

Constantly hit by the flack,

I wipe dirty sweat from my brow

And wonder how I’ll ever escape

At this slow rate.

My patience is running out..

I want to scream and shout

But only manage sneers and sighs,

And occasional cries

Of stinging self-pity.

My tools are all blunted

By the constant wear and tear

Of this relentlessly hard work..

I’d go berserk if not for

Lack of energy.

Tired of looking down,

But when I look up I get scared

By the height of those walls,

And the idea of scratching away

For all my days.

So, I slump back down

Once more to try to sleep,

Lapsing between confusion

And vivid nightmares,

In shades of grey.

[30.09.2018]

Alone In The World

It appears that somebody has tried to strangle me,

Just because I can’t agree with their philosophy

Somebody else grates on me like new shoes on ankles

I’m losing all my sparkle but still keeping all my marbles.

Time has a funny way of waking you up to yourself,

Just when you think you’ve lost all your hope and health

Shaking your foundations, rocking you to pieces,

Then, when you can take no more, it suddenly ceases.

Openings in the brain welcome new ways of thinking

You can close them again if you feel yourself sinking,

But I’d rather play my cards one at a time tonight,

That way I can be sure that I’m doing it all right.

Life will avenge all attempts to hold back

From the throng, the joy, and the heart-attack

Better to seamlessly drift with the tide

Than surrender to the darkness held deep inside.

[04.05.2000]

Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.