Getting There..

Success comes in many forms..

How often do we forget to recognise and celebrate our achievements, however small we might consider them in the grand scheme of things? Herein lies one of the primary reasons people can reach a stage where they feel worthless and like a failure in life. It is all too common for us to only measure success by achievements which are tangible, often material in nature. Passing an exam, getting a new job, getting married, winning an award, buying a new home - these things are rightly worth celebrating and are, of course, some measure of success in life, to some degree. Oft forgotten though are all the steps a person takes to improve themselves and their lives, and all that people do just to maintain their more tangible achievements.

So it is that we can know of people who seems to have it all - plenty of money, a great job, a nice car, a partner, a family, lots of friends etc. In considering whatever measure of success we may deem all that to be though, how often do we fail to notice how people who 'have it all' can actually be very unhappy, despite their outward appearance of success. Conversely, it is almost certain that we all know of people who seem to have very little in life - both in terms of material possessions and signs of 'achievement', yet they are content, self-assured and basically happy with their lot. This is the paradoxical nature of success. We perceive both our own and other people's success in life based on certain presumptions and preconceptions we hold about what success actually means - a faulty and immature perception indeed.

A true measure of success in life can be found in how an individual copes with adversity, how they deal with problems and pain, and how well they learn and grow with the ups and downs of life. This is why people with all the outward signs of a successful life can actually be among the most wounded and troubled souls, whilst people who live with terrible health conditions and in awful poverty and squalor can be among the most content and positive. Opportunity, money, physical beauty, intelligence, education - none of these things guarantees us success in life. In fact there are actually no guarantees at all. Only doing the hard work of growing and changing will give us the best chance of achieving anything close to true success.

“Success is not money, cars, fame or material possessions but the lives you touched positively.” - Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha

Celebration of the achievements in our lives that are considered 'milestones', such as a new job, passing a test or exam, a new home, getting married, the birth of a child etc. come naturally and usually with great fanfare. Celebrating the steps we take in our personal and emotional/spiritual growth, however, more often than not seem to be almost ignored. There is a growing movement towards the marking and celebration of separation/divorce from an unhappy relationship, but on the whole it would seem that society doesn't accept the huge changes we make to better ourselves as valid or worthy of praise. This really needs to change. In our inner lives, the massive importance of marking and celebrating our achievements in learning to deal with life's difficulties and challenges cannot be overstated. We must give ourselves the credit for every step we take towards self-improvement, big or small.

There is wholly too much judgement going on with regard to personal success, and how we perceive it in others. We need to recognise that our perception of success is usually unreal, that it is born out of a collection of ideals and notions that we have been told or have decided are important in life. We need to take apart our concept of what success means and analyse each bit until we can identify and eliminate the crap, leaving only goals which truly serve us on a path to fulfilment and contentment with life. When it comes to our perception of success in others, we always need to factor in the huge weight of our biases, and our lack of a full and accurate historical picture of who that person is, and how they have come to where they are at.

Lastly, and most importantly of all, we absolutely have to avoid comparing - both one person to another, and ourselves to others. That path only ever leads to a furthering of the sense of worthlessness that we seem to have an infinite, inbuilt capacity for. We are all unique, and are made of the sum total of the personal experience held within us. We are all on a journey of one kind or another, and although sometimes we get stuck or choose the wrong path, each of our journeys is uniquely important and valid in its own right. So celebrate your true successes and let them shine for others to see, ever mindful that while you have earned the right to your success, others may not always share in your positivity.

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”  - Theodore Roosevelt


Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.