Poetry Corner [II]

Welcome to this months three poetry offerings. The first two are recent, but the third is an older one I recently re-read and found it really stood out. As ever, these poems are intensely personal, but I share them in the hope that they might strike a chord with others. This is the essence of what I mean by 'shining a light out of dark corners'. Enjoy!

Endings And Beginnings

Where does anxiety end

And the underlying condition begin,

And what is just excuses,

Abuses and ill-will?

I’m still struggling to decide

If all I’m really doing

Is trying to hide my dark side,

And where that leaves me.

If, underneath these neuroses,

I am really not a good man,

Then at least I can have clarity

And be a little closer to sanity,

Instead of the edge of sheer dread

That comes with not knowing

Whether I am coming or going,

Or simply losing my head.

The answers aren’t forthcoming

So I’m turning to educated guesses,

I guess I’m yearning for wisdom

As learning unlocks depths of me.

By choosing my battles,

When anxiety rattles my cage,

I can try to dampen my rage

In the hope of winning the war.

All this is fine, with one caveat..

There can be no near-misses

And no collateral damage,

For those just count as losses.

I have to work, build bridges

For other people to cross,

Or I risk complete loss

And it will all have been for nought.

[08.07.2018]

Extreme Vexation

Nothing good ever comes of this..
Hatred firing through every fibre,
Rage building like a bushfire,
Nerves raw and ragged to the flames.

Doesn't matter knowing why it's there,
That familiar incandescent fury,
Makes no difference once you're aflame
And all hope is burned to the ground.

You can analyse it, rationalise it,
Understand the sources and triggers,
But once the explosive moment occurs
All reason and logic are meaningless.

And after the firestorm comes despair,
Guilt, regret and remorse of course,
That awareness of lost self-control
Leaves you down in the valleys again.

Every day is a potential minefield,
Triggers are everywhere, in everything,
You cannot rest for fear of ignition
And the dreaded fallout that follows.

Holding on to the thin thread of hope
That one day this will be overcome,
'Cos slowly but surely you wear out,
The fight starts to go right out of you.

Nothing good to be found in all this
Except an increased tolerance of pain,
But you can only go so far suffering
Until it all gets too much for the brain..

[26.07.2018]



Untitled

It stirred me to my soul!
Again and again, over and over,
Your revelations, my realisations,
Tying up all those loose ends.

So, onward we shall go,
Our parallel lives un-entwined,
Unravelling riddles and puzzles
That muddled our minds.

Almost effortless, enigmatic even!
Gathering up pieces of our lives,
Just apply logic, see how it thrives
Then becomes a state of mind.

It expanded my growth;
I spoke no oath, no verbal contract,
Just spontaneous human contact
Was all it took to revise my book.

And then, that sensual smile!
All the while, awareness expanding,
Landing together on dry land,
No more drifting on shifting sands.

We’re peas in a polarised pod,
The best looking bricks in the hod,
Lifted up on the ladder of life
To help build a house to call home.

So, onwards and upwards?
Who knows how things will go,
It’s not for us to know,
No, we’re just not meant to.

The future’s unset, unknown.
We’ve grown, but now there’s miles
Of meandering road up ahead.
Thank God, then, that we’re friends.

[10.02.2006]

Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.