I'm not sure how this will go! This might be one piece you just gloss over, to be honest..
In contemplative, reflective mood I find myself taking stock for a moment, a status report if you will. I'm sharing this for the same reason as ever, whispering on the wind in the hope that someone might catch my drift, because if it resonates with even one person then it will have satisfied me in knowing (a) I'm not the only one and (b) I have contributed something. I can promise that these are not just my ramblings, devoid of anything to relate to, but I can't promise to be your motivational speaker or anything.
So anyway, here goes..
I want to be a success. Doesn't everyone? I wrote a piece all about it some time ago. Well a couple of days ago I was looking at the artwork on an album and I spotted this amazing quote which just perfectly sums it all up for me:
"To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
So I know what success looks like to me. I know exactly what I need to achieve. I can measure myself in the here and now, judge where I am doing it right and where I am falling short, and work out what I need to do to get closer towards this success and further from the failings of the past. It is a journey that I have chosen, not a destination, and I'm all good with that. I can see that there is only really one thing that is required for me to actualise my goals and achieve this kind of success - change.
As I have often discussed it is only through constant rigorous self-analysis, striving for self-discipline, being dedicated to truth and reality at all costs, and learning to deal as well as possible with problems and pain that real change can be achieved..
"..But it isn’t sexy [change]. It is, in fact, in the exact opposite direction of egoic gratification. On a collective level, it means giving up on barking and snarling at the Russians or the libtards or the Muslims or the Trump supporters and relinquishing the notion of your pet political, religious or social faction ever being proven right and vindicated over the others. On an individual level, it means letting go of everything you’ve built your identity on. It means realising and fully understanding that you’ve been basically wrong about everything your entire life as mental narratives are seen for the babbling nonsense they are. It means forgiving yourself for your mistakes and forgiving your mother for hers. It means the ultimate humility of taking everything you’ve held yourself to be and unceremoniously discarding it like an old piece of gum." - Caitlin Johnstone
Wow. What's all this about loss of identity? Being wrong about everything? Well, I've been here before. I understand about the value of learning from mistakes. I'm aware of all the cognitive biases and I do all I can to avoid the pitfalls. I know of the power of the narratives that are spun all around me, and my quest for truth usually guides me in the right way. I can research and learn, I can revise my thinking, I can counter the lies and the propaganda and the bullshit with my own healthy narrative. I can see through the thin veneer and I can sniff out the truth. I know this is the right way to be thinking. I need no further proof.
"My brain is only a receiver, in the Universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength and inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists." - Nikola Tesla
At this point I am rather stuck, between the wonder and curiosity buried deep within that I cannot ignore, and the logic and reason that I accumulate and learn and value so much. I write of this conundrum, but I don't spend much time thinking about anything for which there is not an explanation, or at least some sort of theory, or at the very least the promise of an explanation to come in the future. Maybe it is simply fear of the unknown, but I suggest that it is far more likely fear of delusion, of believing in fairy tales and of being deceived. Yet, there are two undeniable and unexplained 'forces' in my life which go against all logic and reason, but which I am absolutely unable to deny the existence of - karma and serendipity. So maybe there is 'something out there', although I suspect that it is actually everywhere - within us, all around us, in everyone and everything. Something..universal?
Meanwhile, back on Earth, us mere mortals are still judging ourselves and others, worrying about how we look and how we're seen, all preoccupied by the unnecessary suffering of fitting in, not fitting in, achieving, not achieving, comparing ourselves to others - oh, the humanity..
"Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won't die. You will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it's their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don't be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are." - Eckhart Tolle
Ah, my dear friends. We can be forgiven for spending so much time being a self-involved, self-absorbed, self-defeating neurotic mess. There are pressures out there in the material world of our media-raped societies which affect us from birth and never truly relent. People can be so influenced and overpowered by the illusions and falsehoods that they are subjected to daily that they become toxic, and we can become infected with that poison too. Yet we can all live a far more authentic, genuine and positive existence if we just scratch beneath the surface more, raise our moral standards, learn the value of learning and expand our minds. Our hearts follow, and we grow. We get better at being better humans, for ourselves and each other. If you are struggling, here's some words of encouragement.
But what of all the suffering out there? All that unnecessary suffering. We either empathise and get angry and rail against humanity's inhumanity, or we turn a blind eye and get apathetic and close our hearts to it all, or we allow ourselves to feel the pain closest to home but show indifference to horrors in far off lands. And within ourselves, from the omnipresent stresses of modern life right through the spectrum to the pain and confusion of multiple mental illnesses, we all endure personal suffering to a greater or lesser degree. The thing is - and it really is a big thing - we cannot allow ourselves to be defined by this suffering. Even if we struggle every moment of every day, we somehow have to transform ourselves - from being a victim, a sufferer, a walking effigy of a syndrome - to being a survivor, a warrior, a shining beacon of hope..
"As a fact, we cannot give suffering precedence in either our individual or collective lives. We have to get on with things, and those who give precedence to suffering will be left behind. They fetter us with their snivelling. We have someplace to go and must believe we can get there, wherever that may be. And to conceive that there is a 'brotherhood of suffering between everything alive' would disable us from getting anywhere.
We are preoccupied with the good life, and step by step are working toward a better life. What we do, as a conscious species, is set markers for ourselves. Once we reach one marker, we advance to the next — as if we were playing a board game we think will never end, despite the fact that it will, like it or not. And if you are too conscious of not liking it, then you may conceive of yourself as a biological paradox that cannot live with its consciousness and cannot live without it. And in so living and not living, you take your place with the undead and the human puppet.” - Thomas Ligotti, The Conspiracy Against the Human Race
At the end of the day, there is one unifying force that underlines everything good in my life. It counters confusion, it provides peace when all is awry, it requires effort but does not depend on my mood or lessen when I feel weak. It is ever-present and unshakeable. It filters through every single layer of my being, every flaw and imperfection, every doubt and every fear, and can always be depended upon. Sometimes it is hard to accept it, sometimes hard to give, but it is always there to be gifted or received. It cushions me when I fall and comforts me when I feel broken. It entwines my being with light, penetrates to the core of my very soul and emanates outwards to touch every other soul I come into contact with. It is what makes life worthwhile, turning mere survival into a chance to truly thrive..
It is love! And it is wonderful.
"With love you don’t bargain. There, the choice is not yours. Love is a mirror, it reflects only your essence, if you have the courage to look in its face." - Rumi
Copyright ©2018 Richard C. Greenlow. All rights reserved.
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